Two Terrifying Words.
There were two words that up until last year made me extremely uncomfortable.
Thankfully, in our everyday lives with everyone being so busy being busy, they are words that to my relief were rarely spoken.
But when they were, when they were directed to me in the form of a question, my reaction was always the same: internal panic!
On the outside, I’d laugh and appear nonchalant while I attempted to redirect the line of questioning to the next person as superhumanly fast as possible.
What are these two terrifying words?
They are purpose and passion.
What is my purpose in life and what are my passions?
See? Terrifying.
These seemingly nice, seven-letter, p-words were anything but. The little suckers were disguised mini bombs that would drop into my life and set about a few days’ worth of panic, desperate soul-searching and sense of failure and unworthiness. Every time. But I was fascinated, genuinely intrigued, by what these words meant to other people and if they did answer I’d sit transfixed, deeply engrossed, listening intently to their answers and prodding them with questions in the hope of finding a mystical clue to unlock the enigma for my own life. But please no, don’t ever ask me.
I had no idea what my purpose was in life. I felt like I was living the polar opposite of purpose. I knew people valued what I did for a living, and I knew on some level that I was good at it, but purpose? No way. I felt like maybe I’d missed some secret Appointment of Purpose ceremony and was condemned to a life searching for this unattainable dream. As for passions, they sounded heavy and intense and something you were committed to for life. Sure, I’d get passionate about things, but I wasn’t passionate for any one thing. I liked a lot of things but wasn’t committed to any of them.
I grew up watching the Oprah Show (I still love listening to Oprah – what a woman) and would hear her talk about finding your life’s purpose and living your life in service to that purpose. I felt like I was alone in being unable to attain these revered life goals and I equated that to a fundamental failure. She and the people that did find theirs seemed to live deeply fulfilling lives. I yearned for it but as I was already in my forties and mine were nowhere to be found, I figured I’d missed the boat. I was clearly not worthy and therefore my life would never reach deep levels of satisfaction and fulfilment. Yet, for some reason, I still believed.
I would silently check-in with myself every few years and ask if I’d found them yet. Maybe, just maybe, someday I would. I’d look outwardly, try different things and work in dream jobs but it took a while to realise that they were somebody else’s dreams, not mine (what were my dreams? Oh god no, don’t ask me that – it’ll set off another round of internal panic).
Then, something interesting and unexpected happened. Bear with me…
Standing on Gokyo Ri (5,357m) in December 2008 with Everest in the background, about midway through our trek. We’d never done anything like this, not even overnight hikes, so we trained up for it and booked a private tour through a reputable company. It was a truly magnificent, life-changing experience.
I’d always enjoyed camping and hiking with my family growing up and had kept it up throughout my adult life. Not committed, just every so often. But hiking got more serious when my husband and I decided to do something very different for our honeymoon – we went trekking in the Everest region of Nepal for 15-days. I thought maybe this would be it. That when we got back, I’d become a hiking fanatic. We even moved to our suburb to be near a conservation park known for its natural beauty and hiking trails. But on return I dabbled in it again on and off, like I did before, when the mood struck. Maybe hiking wasn’t it after all.
After I had my daughter though, I started walking more regularly. Pushing the pram from our house up to and through the conservation park. Then as she grew, I upgraded to carrying her on walks and hikes in the park. It was not only a way to get fitness back post-childbirth, but it was also a stress relief and a way to get away from the house. Later, I started walking up there alone at least once a week. And I loved it. But I still didn’t think it was a thing.
Out of the blue, my sister-in-law invited me to hike with her in an epic 56km event and before I knew it, I’d said yes. Unbeknown to me at the time, that nine-hour event relit a little flame deep inside of me that remembered what it felt like to take part in competitions. Months later, I found out about and signed up for a 10km event run by Trail Running SA in one of my favourite places in South Australia, Mount Crawford Forest. I wasn’t a runner so I walked in it, but I walked as hard and as fast as I could and by the time I finished it felt like I’d run a marathon. I was exhausted but crossing that finish line, I was exhilarated. And the hook was in.
Over the next few years, my hiking in the park became harder and faster and I entered more and more of the walking courses in the TRSA events. I’d see all these trail runners rip past me and think they were demi-gods, doing the unthinkable. I couldn’t do that! No way. Not with my ankles, my calves, my knees, my age, my… excuses.
Then one day I decided to give it a go... and bit by bit, I taught myself to trail run. Me. The non-runner. Running. Trail running!
Fast forward from that first walking event in 2016 to dozens of trails, hundreds of kilometres, several significant injuries, a bunch of races under my belt and endless breathtakingly beautiful moments out there running in nature, and here I am in 2022 a mad-keen, passionate trail runner, who got there by hiking. By following my interests and saying yes to the things that I was drawn to, with no idea where they would lead.
And it hit me. I’d done it. I’d found my passion!
The funny thing is, it struck when I wasn’t looking for it. And I wasn’t looking for it in the obvious places. This was not my family sport; this was a sport I knew near to nothing about. And me? Getting into competitive sport for the first time since high school and in my forties? I’d done plenty of things but pick one, stick at it and become competitive in it? No, not me. But, the universe had other plans for me and said, “Yes sweetheart. You.”
As for purpose (as I say that I comically picture light bursting down from the heavens while angels sing on high) well, I accidentally found that too…
In April last year, after a series of events and epiphanies led to me making a terrifying and equally courageous decision, I walked away from a permanent, well paid, senior management role in another ‘dream job’ to stop and figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. At the ripe age of 43 and after 20+ years in the corporate world, it was time.
Over the next few months, I stripped back my life, looked at every part of myself and my career and slowly pieced together the things that I loved doing; that I was not just capable of doing, but that excited me and lit me up when I did them, the things that made me feel alive. Despite an extensive career in major events, tourism, project management and travel, it all came down to a few simple things: public speaking, problem solving, helping people who were seeking my advice, forming genuine connections, and motivating people.
Then I thought, how can I pull all this together and turn it into something? Can I somehow take my passion for moving in nature and combine it with my ability to communicate and help others with the important things in life? How the heck do I do that?
And it came to me.
I could create a mentoring business where sessions are held out walking* so that clients benefit from not only the physical movement in nature but also movement on a mental and emotional level; quite literally thinking on their feet while we walk and talk. I can use my voice, my creative thinking skills, my experience of life professionally and personally and help mentor and motivate them with theirs.
And I did it. And it’s working. And it feels like it is what I was put here to do. Sounds wanky hey? But so true. I found my purpose. Who knew!
So, here I am at 45 with a passion and a purpose after years of thinking I’d never have either. They’re no longer terrifying words. They’re words I love and they fill me with an enormous sense of satisfaction. Heck, I’ve even found that by living my life in service to my newfound purpose, I now know the mystical thing that Oprah was talking about all along: fulfilment. And it is magical. She knew.
I look back over my life and I can see that the threads of these things were there all along, weaving their way imperceptibly and seemingly without pattern until I stopped and took notice. I just had to stay open and curious, follow my interest in things I really enjoyed doing, say yes and keep going.
Passions and purpose don’t have to be earth-shatteringly huge things. They might be the simplest things, but they are unique to you. They’re the things that make you feel more alive when you do them. The things that light you up. The things you wish you did more of. The things that make you feel at your very best deep inside when you do them.
More than likely you’ve already done them or something like them early on before you let life get in the way. Take the time to go back, think back and look for the fabric of them lacing their way through your life. Follow those threads and you just might find your passion and your purpose waiting right there for you.
And if you’re wondering if it’s worth it… Yes. Yes, it is. It feels like winning the richest lottery of them all, the one that fills your soul.
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Helping people find their passions and purpose is one of the most rewarding things I get to do. If you’d like help finding yours, read the three steps on the bottom of the home page to learn how Little Shove personal mentoring works, reach out and let’s get started.
Sometimes we need a little shove.
* sessions can also be held in a quiet cafe, or over the phone for interstate clients, and they work just as well.
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“I came away inspired and rejuvenated, again! You are amazing. I love that you have found your purpose and can now help others, like me, ignite their purpose.”
